Feelings and friends
How babies and young children bond with the people who care for them, manage feelings, play with others and come to know themselves.
When they usually start
Each bar shows the ages when most children in the studies started. Children vary a lot. Tap a milestone to read more.
- Smiling back at you. Typical: in the first month or so. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Knowing their own people. Typical: about 3½ to 4 months. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Getting upset when you leave. Typical: about 5½ to 6 months. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Being wary of strangers. Typical: about 6 months. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Sharing fun with you. Typical: about 8½ months. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Helping. Typical: by about 14 to 18 months. The spread of ages hasn't been measured yet.
- Saying "me" and "mine". Most children: about 1½ to 2½ years; typical: about 21 to 23 months
- Talking about feelings. Most children: about 20 months to 3 years; typical: about 23 months
Typical age only: studies haven't yet measured how widely the ages spread.
Bonding and attachment
- Smiling back at youBabies start smiling back at the people who care for them in their first weeks. In a four-country study, parents reported half doing so within the first month. Filmed studies found many more babies smiling at their mother at 3 months than at 6 weeks.
- Knowing their own peopleMost babies show they know and prefer the people who care for them, by smiling, reaching or studying their faces, at around 3½ to 4 months.
- Getting upset when you leaveMany babies start reacting when the person caring for them leaves, and settling when they come back, at around 5½ to 6 months.
- Being wary of strangersMany babies start showing caution or shyness with strangers at around 6 months, and this usually grows until about their first birthday. Children vary a lot.
Feelings and calming down
- Talking about feelingsMost toddlers start using a feelings word like "happy", "sad", "mad" or "scared" at around 2 years. In parents' reports for American children, half did so by about 23 months and 9 in 10 by about 3 years.
- Looking to you when unsureBy around their first birthday, babies in lab studies look to a parent's face when unsure, and a happy or frightened look changes what they do next.
- TantrumsTantrums are very common in young children. In a large study, more than 8 in 10 children aged 3 to 5 had at least one in a month, but fewer than 1 in 10 had them every day. Most tantrums are short.
Playing with others
- Sharing fun with youMost babies start reaching out to share fun and affection, like cuddles, kisses or starting a game of peek-a-boo, at around 8½ months.
- HelpingMany toddlers help an adult who is struggling, like handing over something out of reach, from around 14 to 18 months, without being asked or rewarded.
- Playing alongside other childrenYoung children often play next to each other with similar toys before playing together. One study found children moving back and forth between playing alongside and playing together several times in one session.
- Comforting someone who is upsetComforting someone who is upset usually comes after simple helping. In one study, about 1 in 8 toddlers quickly comforted a sad adult at 18 months, against about 2 in 3 at 30 months.
- Playing togetherPlaying together with another child, like taking turns or copying each other's games, grows a lot between about 1½ and 2½ years.
Sense of self
- Saying "me" and "mine"Most toddlers start saying "mine" at around 21 months and "me" at around 23 months. In parents' reports for American children, 9 in 10 said "mine" by about 28 months.
- Recognising themselves in a mirrorIn many Western studies, toddlers start recognising themselves in a mirror (for example touching a mark on their own nose) in their second year. But in some countries far fewer children pass this test, even at 4 or 5.
Researchers have their own name for this area: Social-emotional. The sections on this page follow the way studies usually group these skills:
- Bonding and attachment (Attachment)
- Feelings and calming down (Emotion regulation)
- Playing with others (Peer interaction)
- Sense of self (Self-recognition and self-concept)